OMG dramaaaaaa

well um wow. ok. so there was a whole thing with cody today that makes me angry. and well. i met a new guy his name is frankie. and he is amazing. cute and very awesome and funny. i dont know. my life has just became brighter but more confusing. i made cody cry today/ me and tyler met and we put some things together too quicklly and well yeah.


ok. so im in the process of a new poem im gonna post it on here now. let me flow something


(had to kill my music almost started stealing lyrics xD)

these words that flow from mine fingers
these words of emotional torrents

I sing a lullaby
to a frozen child
who lays within my dreams

as i look around and find myself
the ice melts.
my mind is warmed by love.
and my heart is thawed

i run and dance and am married
but i look at the still frozen boy
and realize
the boy is me
and boy so hurt
my heart
my soul
my love

so hurt
he is frozen
because he wishes not to be hurt


the only thing that will wake him

is true loves first kiss




tell me whats u think if you read this lonely blog! xD

Owkaii so heres the dealio., yo

well. ok. so heres the down low on whats been happening lately. my life is basically becoming crappier and crappier. cody is amazing. and being his friend is amazing. we are seeing new moon on saturday. but that seems so be a . idk. a good in the rest of all this crap. I wish. that everything i wish for would come true. my nightmares come true. so why cant my dreams

IDK ANYMORE

Idk what to say about getting hurt. i dont think i have a heart and soul anymore. dont turn into me...... ive been hurt so many times. just because i cant stand to hurt ppl. and so i wait for them to hurt me. i get attched then it happens and i harden up a bit more each time. ...............i dont think i have a soul. nothing hurts anymore., and when it does. it just scratches a bit. because its just digging black hole deeper

Wel

Well. i think that i am prolly dying. i have never had so many medical problems at once. I think that maybe im cursed. or something from the past is trying to catch up with everything ive missed. i had the worst fever ever today. and i felt horrible and wanted to puke. but i didnt. so. idk. i wonder whats going on

so im writing a book. I think it is coming out ok. its like 5 pages writing. and everything is uwber short in the computer. im open to ideas for the inside but the base plot i think is ok. here is the prologue

Prologue

The wind blew cold and hard against Jerame's Face, it felt like spikes of ice driving into his face. He felt his eyes start to water, bu the tears quickly froze to his face. “What have I gotten myself into!?” he cried out. Nobody would ever hear his final words. He gazed out over the valley, filled with its winter albino blanket.

“You, Kid! What are you doing up here? You are going to freeze to death!”

“No, that’s too slow.” He whispered to the wind. He took off running towards the drop off.

Kid, wait! Don’t do it!” Jerame took a glance back, the police officer running after him.

“Do not follow me officer, it’s too late for me.” And he leaped. High and long, those few lasting seconds before gravity took its deadly hold. He fell, and it felt to him as if he might fall forever. “Its too late, there’s no going back.”

and here is the pieces of chapter one so far

“It’s not that bad Charlie,” Stacy said, “I mean, its not like anyone is going to find this place, its completely invisible from the inside. Like, the only way we found it is because my stupid foot fell into the hole.” Stacy stood, her red hair barely an inch from the short ceiling. “And If we do hear anything we can hide in…….that thing,” she exclamed; pointing to the small, round door in the middle of the wall. “It looks like one of us could get in there.”

“Its not people im worried about,” Charlie said, also standing, “I’m worried about why this place is here, it’s just occurred to me, why haven’t we seen any spiders? Any Snakes? Any flies even?! It just doesn’t fit right with me. And what is behind that door? It freaks me out.” He walked to the wall opposite the round clockwork door, standing next to the ladder leading outside. “It just doesn’t make sense” he muttered.

it doesnt make sense yet i know. but in the written version. its ok. i might just buy a blank book and do it all in writing to make it seem like a lot haha

My horrific thoughts not for the faint of heart

These are my deep thoughts. the ones i hide from everyone. even myself. and letting them out like this is bad. especially on the internet. but. if you read these. be warned. hey are not for the faint of heart so please dont hate me....




---me slitting someones throat and letting their blood wash over me. and im smiling the whole time.
----me sitting on the couch, i get up, pick up the Tv. and smash the big thing over my brothers head
---- me getting a gun. and walking downstairs and shooting everything, lighting the house on fire, and then i shoot myself
---- i just kill random people i dont like. and i keep their eyes in a big jar. and i know who is who by just looking
----- (this is one ive come close to doing) just sitting in bed cutting random things into my skin all over , even on my tongue.

thats it for now. i hope you dont dislike me just because of this. I hide these even from myself. and this is not me!!! i dont want to be that person. :'( but the thoughts dont go away. they just dont stop. why cant i be normal...........

The truth beneath the name. lol i bet youve been wondering

Ok. the name Demon of the Wasteland. Well. its mine Its because. Well. im different. and i feel that way a lot. im a demon in a wasteland of nothingness. i am decidedly bad, when most people try to be "good" they never really are. I am decidedly bad. I can prove it if you really want. I could be considered the same as the others in a way just because i dont express everything i think. so. ohm didnt say much but its a start huh

Soul surgery

My soul is torn apart

by the ways my friends act

They act like their life is crap

yet they dont see their own trap

They dig a hole

and jump so far down

and they bring their shovels along




I try to turn my back

on the one who hurt me most

the one who i know cant save himself

but doesnt want to try

He yells and screams

and lies and cries


and im still here

with my scalpel and my prayers

my scalpel

it cuts through the confusion of drugs


My clamp

keeps you from bleeding away


My tears

they sting. but they help you see the pain


My sutures my catsgut

they help me fix you up.
they close up what ive done

My soul surgery

Is only half done


You must take these pills.

A 300 Mg dose of love everyday at breakfast lunch and dinner

4 square hugs a day. one with each meal, and one at random. Overdosing is ok

And take this new experimental pill. its called bliss

it saves you from yourself.

makes you remember

makes you learn from the things youve done


Will you pay the price of this surgery

the soul surgery

a life saving procedure

Candy dreams of a lonely child.

A rose petal floats upon the sea

lonely as a single tree

A child's smile as bright as the sun

lights up my heart like a tango

A dance with the constellations

The sky is blue as a baby's blue eyes

The sun sets on a lonely world

While the moon rises on a hidden dream

Of dancing creatures with smiles and grins

and magical forests filled with candy trees

and rivers of milk. the houses of gingerbread

decor'd with gumdrop shingles

and icing windows

filled with happy gingerbread men

and their many friends

gingerbread women

leave milk and cookies

for Santy Clause

in hopes of seeing his jolly face

the moon sets on a hidden dream land

as the sun rises.............on a lonely world.

friends

Friends come

and friends go

ups and downs

as fast as roller coasters

We smile

we talk like family

closer than peas in a pod

but sometimes along the way

the pod gets broke open.

some peas get smashed

some get taken away

some go ROTTEN

there are those who stick with you

through the thick and the thin

we never know

which friends will stay

and which ones will go

we all hope to have a life with friends

just make sure they are worth the trouble

Im wishing on a star

Im wishing on a star

to find a crystal ship

im standing on the shore

ith nothing but a memory

and your gone

into the wind

Pain

Pain.

Loss

evil

heartbreak

I hate the life that i lead today

If i was to take a second chance,

it would start a long time ago

Then the pain wouldnt be here

im not sure i would be either

I would be somewhere better

Smiling while the sun shines

but now i sit here.

only feeling pain

wishing it would rain

so nobody can see my tears

my past haunts me

my future taunts me

My present holds me down in shackles

why cant i see past

what i have done

they block me from moving on

and i cant help but scream

because everything i love(d)

is now keeping me from loving someone new

the end is coming

ive seen it in my dreams

the stars are dying

and the trees are crying

The angel's son weeps

Tears of silver gold

The demons crawl from the eyes of the damned

And there is no safety for sinners

Lost

Im lost between two worlds

haunted by those ive hurt

Shattered by those who've hurt me

pulled this way and that

by things i want

yet slammed and locked into a box

by the world who doesnt want me to be seen

the sun doesnt shine

on this world of mine

gone is the light from my love

it is hidden away.

in a safe

i have the key

i open it only on special occasions

when i feel it is safe


Only the closest have seen it

i hope that changes one day

DEAD

well. life is now officially. well. worthless. I thought i had put my heart in a safe. but then well. the safe wasnt fireproof. and now its broken. :(

Ive been doing some thinking lately. And ive decided that Life is a total bag of crap. People lie, scheme, plot, destroy, and take things. They take other peoples trust, love, minds, their very souls! and then they shatter them into pieces. and then throw them back at you. and save some shards to stab you in the back. and maybe use them later as blackmail. This has happened to me. People i thought loved me, my friends, my lovers, family.......They all turn on me eventually. i know its my fault somehow. im just not sure how. im cursed to live alone/ as are the rest of us.

I know people hate me so dont try to say otherwise. I can see it in their eyes, they say oh yeah, we're best friends. Bffs, We'll be the old people causeing trouble in the nursing homes. well yeah in your eyes ur saying "Get away freak; fuck off; go to your corner, slit your wrists and die; leave me alone, god; hes so annoying; doesnt he know he looks like an emo FREAK"

Your eyes show the truth. I swear it by the goddess

Who's There??

Where am i?

I cant see myself

I look in the mirror and see a stranger

well. almost a stranger. i remember those eyes.

and the soul that is beneath

hiding under the blanket with the door locked and the lights out

the windows barred and the curtains are closed

it just sits there

hiding

afraid that the light will come back

and then go away again

it wishes it would stay

then it would be

safe

warm

happy

where did it all go?

why did the light go away?

I am not sure

i cant find anything

i cant see in the dark

YET

ill adjust

and get used to the dark

and then it'll be too late

if the light does come back

ill be blinded

i want to see the light

before its too late

And i lose my chance

But my chances are gone

and the one i love

loved

lost

or was he ever there?

I thought he was

i am probably wrong

he probably hated me the whole time

and i didn't see it

i was blinded

by happiness

the one thing i truly want

but cant have

because he took my heart

and only left me half

and then the next one

he broke it again

and now all i have is a little piece

and I am sharing it again

and praying to every god i know

that he doesn't break it

and if he does, ill just have tiny pieces left

shattered glass of the once beautiful window to my soul

which is still barred

and the curtains drawn

the world is too dangerous

i want to stay in bed

i was to not be HERE

in this place

but I am always here

because the place i hate the most

is my mind

and there is no way to escape that prison

the ways I have tried

did not work

they got me pushed in further

the handcuffs tighter

and the ball and chain shorter

and its harder to get to the window

where i can see outside

through the crack that people use

exploit

stretch

squeeze through

and i bar shut

when they steal and break my heart

and leave

and don't ever come back

but there is always another one

that people make

use

exploit

and then leave through

and i bar shut

I don't want to bar the whole room

and the blanket

i don't want to but a gun to the door

and a spear at the window

a knife through my heart

whats left of it

dust

and shattered pieces

maybe

a sparkle of hope

here and there

here and there

here and there

but if you look directly at it

put everything on it

it blinks

and doesn't come back

just like the light





I open my eyes

I'm on an operating table

the light is back

A man walks over

"Nurse, he's awake"

"yes doctor"

I start to feel tired again

i fight it

i don't want to go BACK

back to the room

that dark room

with the window

which is still barred

and the curtains drawn